Don't Want Everything
by nubianamy
Summary: Jake and Ryder hear about Blaine's 'bros helping bros' line and mistake it as An Actual Thing That Happens. Jake's high and dry with Marley and Ryder's getting nowhere on the girlfriend front, so why not help each other out? For the glee-kink-meme. Jake/Ryder and Jake/Marley, spoilers through 4x14.
1. Chapter 1

_(Author's note: This is a fill for the glee-kink-meme prompt #21 - my first! Gala_apples alerted me to the prompt, which was absolutely charming, and fulfilled my need for Jake/Ryder smut. She suggested we both write the same prompt and see how they turned out differently. You can read gala's fill at archiveofourown dot org slash works slash 714343 Titles for both stories came from the same line of the NIN song "Head Like a Hole" because we discovered we were both soundtracking our fics to the wondrous Head Like a Hole/Call Me Maybe mashup. Spoilers through episode 4x14 I Do. Warnings for handjobs, frottage, blowjobs and boy angst. Enjoy. -amy)_

* * *

Neither Jake nor Ryder could remember where they heard the phrase first. Ryder swore it was Tina, but Jake couldn't believe Blaine would have said it to her.

"Tina's cool, I guess," he said, leaning against the wall by Ryder's locker, "but that seems like something kind of personal to talk to a girl about. If it's supposed to be 'bros helping bros,' there's really no girl involved, is there?"

"She's kind of an honorary bro," Ryder decided. "But I don't think Blaine would be down with her helping him like that, even if he did kiss a girl once. He's pretty capital-G gay."

Jake nodded. "But... it doesn't have to be about being gay. Right? It's about... helping. You know, like, when there aren't any girls around?"

Even maybe when there were girls around, because seriously, Jake had dated girls before, but never any quite like Marley. She was awesome in so many ways, he wasn't going to fuck things up by moving too quickly; even his own brother had given him that advice. But jerking off alone every night was definitely getting old. He thought from Ryder's expression that he might sympathize, and he grinned back in relief.

"Sure." Ryder sounded calm and confident. "I mean, if Blaine does it, it's got to be okay. He kept saying that he wasn't getting back together with Kurt, that they were just friends, even after the wedding. Uh, not-wedding."

"Yeah," Jake agreed. "Friends could do that for each other. I mean, I guess every guy knows how much better you feel when you're getting some."

"Totally. I mean, I even feel a little bad for Blaine, now that Kurt's back in New York."

Jake was about to agree, when the statement hit him a little funny. He picked at the hem of his jacket. "Well, Sam's his best bro. He should be the one to do that for him, don't you think?"

"Sure, he could, but Sam's with Brittany. There's no way he's not already getting all the sex he wants." He shrugged. "I just feel a little bad. Not enough to say anything about it."

That, Jake could agree with. "Yeah, no, of course not. He can take care of himself. I mean, he's Blaine fucking Anderson."

Ryder slid his biology textbook into his backpack, looking thoughtful. "Still. It wouldn't be cheating, right? For Sam, I mean, if he did that for Blaine. Because it'd be a bro thing. Not because bros before hos or anything, but because they're a totally separate entity: there's friends, and there's girls."

"Totally," Jake echoed. It was kind of refreshing how Ryder got that. He was pretty sure Marley wouldn't have. "Hey, did you finish your biology homework? I'm getting really sick of drawing out the stages of meiosis over and over."

Ryder slammed his locker door shut. "Come over tonight after dinner. I bet it wouldn't suck nearly so much if we did it together." He paused, then added, belatedly, "If you and Marley don't have -"

"No," Jake said, "no, we don't have anything. I'm in. I'll bring chips."

* * *

Biology turned into Nano Assault Neo on Ryder's Wii, with his two little sisters running in and out intermittently to grab chips and ask random questions ("Why are flamingos pink?"). To be fair, they'd finished most of their homework, and it wasn't due until Friday. Jake figured they'd earned a little stress relief.

He handed off the bowl to Ryder, wishing he'd chosen the chips without so much powdery cheese stuff on them. They were tasty, but the powder stuck to his fingers and he had to keep licking it off. Ryder watched him with a frown.

Jake grimaced, flexing his hands. "Hey, I'm sorry, I'll try not to get it on the controllers."

"Whatever, man." He paused to outfit his ship with a new satellite. "So... how do you think Blaine and Sam would _do_ that?"

"Do what?" Jake asked, even though he knew precisely what Ryder was talking about. Maybe it was that he was a little incredulous Ryder was even bringing it up with his sisters in and out of the room.

"Bros helping bros." He gave Jake a little sideways glance that made him screw up his next shot. "I mean, Sam's not gay, but he wouldn't freak out about it."

Jake caught himself about to suck off his finger again, and turned it into an ear-scratch instead. "Kissing is hot," he offered casually.

"Yeah," Ryder agreed with enthusiasm. "Like that."

The idea stayed with him through the rest of the game, enough that it barely mattered that they were playing on cooperative mode and Ryder practically had to carry him through the mission. Ryder didn't say anything about it, of course, because he never would. Generous didn't cover the kind of guy he was. Ryder was the kind of guy who was cool enough to give him advice on how to make Marley like him. He'd trusted Jake enough to tell him about his reading disability, and to give up the dance solo so Jake could dance it. He'd never bragged about getting the lead in the musical.

So Jake decided that Ryder was also the kind of guy, when he went to take a leak, that Jake would stand in the hallway to intercept.

He looked startled when he opened the door and found Jake standing there, but not as startled as he might have been. Realizing that made Jake more nervous, not less - but he wasn't going to wimp out now. He took two steps toward him, making Ryder back up, eyes going wide, and nearly trip over the edge of the tub,

"There's stuff Sam would never do with Blaine," he said quickly, before Ryder could speak. "He wouldn't fuck him, because he likes girls, okay?"

"Okay," Ryder said immediately, "that's... yeah."

"And he wouldn't blow him either. Sam's already sensitive about his mouth." He couldn't take his eyes off Ryder's wet, slack lips. His own were burning from the residual powdered cheese, but he wasn't going to lick them.

"I'd think Blaine would understand that." He sounded so reasonable.

Jake wasn't going to stare at Ryder's junk, that would be pretty gay, but he was close enough now that he might be able to figure out if he was hard. It would be reassuring to know he wasn't the only one needing help from his bro here.

"It's not -" Then Jake sighed, and gave up saying what it wasn't, because there were too many things, and concentrated on what it _was._ What it _was_ was Jake taking one more step forward, and Ryder taking one too, meeting him in the middle. Which was good because he was pretty sure he would have fallen into the tub otherwise. Their lips met before Ryder touched him anywhere else, but by the time they'd broken apart, gasping, Jake had a firm grip on his Bieber cut and Ryder's hands were holding Jake's waist in a death grip.

It took a while before there was enough space between them to exchange words, and even then, Ryder was doing his best to fill it with tiny, focused grunts. He was no weakling, but Jake finally realized what his purpose was when Ryder pushed him back against the door of the bathroom, shutting it to the hallway and leaving them in the near-dark. The only illumination was a nightlight in the corner.

It wasn't like kissing Marley. Jake had kissed a lot of girls. Marley was a tentative kisser, her mouth small and lips tense, like she was trying really hard to be involved but she could only take it in small bites before it became overwhelming. But he'd kissed girls who'd been totally into what they were doing, who didn't care about how words like _dirty_ or _spit_ applied to their situation. This was a hell of a lot more like that. He wasn't sure he could say some of the things he was thinking, actually, because how do you tell another guy that he's the best kisser you've ever had, or that his lips were the perfect combination of soft and strong, without that sounding completely _stupid?_ He sure as fuck would have decked any guy who told him that. But then he realized Ryder was talking to him, and he tuned in quickly.

"So I was thinking," Ryder was saying, somehow managing to keep kissing between statements, the thumbs of both hands digging into Jake's hips, "this is about helping... and even though I've never done anything like this before, we've both got kind of the same equipment, and it shouldn't be that complicated."

"Makes sense." Jake was pleased the words came out without shaking. Ryder wasn't doing much, not in the technique or action department, but having him this close was definitely doing things to his own _equipment._ He held his breath as Ryder's hand slid lower on his hip, fiddling with his fly.

"But I think - um." With a wrest of his hand, Ryder suddenly managed to undo all three buttons, and found himself holding a half-handful of Jake's hard dick through his boxers. His blush kind of fascinated Jake. He stopped kissing him just to stare at his red cheeks. Ryder gave a nervous little laugh.

"Not too gay?" he asked.

"No," Jake assured him. "Not bad, anyway."

"Cause that would be a total buzzkill." Jake's vision whited out for a moment as Ryder gave him an experimental squeeze, watching his face with avid interest. "Doesn't appear to be that, though."

"No," Jake muttered, "no, no, not a buzzkill, and - can I just -?" He reached down and pulled his own jeans low enough on his hips to give Ryder better access. Ryder's breathing accelerated, and Jake watched as Ryder's hand dipped beneath the waistband of his boxers to encircle his leaking dick.

From there it was only a matter of time before he came, Jake knew, but thinking about what was happening and who it was happening with in those minutes was inspiring all by itself. It wasn't like jerking off to fantasies of some other girl. This was his friend, his bro. He was right here. He could trust him. And, judging from his jagged breathing and his other arm flung around Jake's shoulder, Ryder was digging it too.

"Come on, man," Ryder whispered urgently, and it was the explosion of breath against his neck, in his ear, that threw Jake over the edge. He came with a barely restrained gasp.

Ryder groaned, wedging himself against Jake's hip and grinding him hard up against the door. Jake, still addled and shaky from his own orgasm, noted the heat and heavy pressure of Ryder's erection with detachment: _huh, so that's what another guy's cock feels like._

Ryder didn't seem to be asking for anything in return, not really; he was just going for it, long hard strokes, already shaking with need and swearing against Jake's chest. Jake wanted him to know it was okay, that he didn't have to feel bad for it, so he murmured, "Yeah, that's good, you can do that." He hardly had time to snake an arm around him to pull his body tighter, to give him a hand with the friction, before Ryder was hissing, "_Fuck -"_ and shuddering against him.

Jake felt Ryder sag, tried to keep him upright, but eventually decided there was no point and slid down the door, conscious of his bare ass against the cold tile. Ryder went with him; he wasn't making any move to want to get away from Jake's grasp, which he figured was a good sign. _Nobody's freaking out, right? _He gave himself a quick mental check. _Nope, still me. _

"God," panted Ryder, resting his forehead in the crook of Jake's neck, laughing weakly, "this could solve so many problems."

Ryder's laugh was infectious, and they were both laughing when Jake fumbled a hand out to grasp Ryder's, because bros didn't care about a little come between friends.

* * *

Things were surprisingly the same after that. The biggest difference was the level of charged anticipation around being alone together. When Jake would say, "Dude, sorry, can't make it after school today, I've got a dance lesson," Ryder would shrug and smile and that would be it, because it was silly to get hung up around whether or not your bro had time to hang with you. But more often than not, he'd text him after dinner and say something like _my mom made carrot cake and there's a piece with your name on it, and Jake would promise to be safe on his bike and ride as fast as he could across town for carrot cake and a hand job. Which, really, was the best combination._

It helped once he figured out that Ryder was completely not interested in being embarrassed about what Jake liked, or about what he liked, because the name of the game was getting each other off, with no strings. Ryder watched Jake thoughtfully, not in a creepy way, but he noticed things that Jake did, and he brought them up when they were alone. The way he did this, it was easy to feel grateful instead of wigging out.

Like the time that Ryder tapped Jake's Spanish textbook with his pencil and said, "I know why kissing's hot."

"Okay," said Jake.

"It's because it's skin. Skin touching skin, you know? More nerve endings, people totally get off on that." Ryder set his pencil down. "C'mere."

Jake sat up, reassuring himself that the door was indeed locked, and moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to him. When Ryder pulled his t-shirt off, he tried not to feel awkward. Knowing that orgasms were probably imminent was enough to turn him on, but being turned on while looking at his friend's bare chest felt a little less like bros helping bros and a little more like -

"This is kind of gay," he said, making a face. Ryder didn't laugh, which Jake had trusted he wouldn't, but he didn't put his shirt back on either.

"No, it's an experiment. You need skin for this." He gestured at Jake, waiting until Jake reluctantly followed suit. "Okay. So - skin, right?" He reached out, and Jake automatically put his arms around him, closing his eyes, and relaxed as he felt Ryder exhale. It did feel nice, but he didn't quite get it until Ryder added, "Like all your skin is your lips."

"Holy shit," Jake whimpered, clutching him convulsively. _Now_ he could feel it; he couldn't _unfeel_ it, the drag of Ryder's skin against his, the silky smooth and the rough and everything in between. It wasn't his hands he wanted to feel against him, it was his whole freaking body, and definitely his lips were part of that. When he kissed him hard, Ryder was right there with him, falling into his mouth and tucking a hand into his crotch to give him something to press against.

"Yeah?" Ryder was grinning, not in a teasing way, but completely earnest, excited to have found something that made Jake respond that way.

"More skin," Jake insisted, and it wasn't too gay to take off their jeans and socks and, fuck it, their boxers too, because those things were just in the way. Jake took the initiative to move their books and papers off the bed, and he kind of loved the way Ryder's eyes lit up as they reconnected. And, okay, naked wrestling, that was something Jake could deal with, especially watching Ryder completely lose it when Jake flipped him and held him down, jerking him with those long, slow strokes that he knew Ryder preferred. He didn't even flinch at Ryder's fingers on his nipples, pinching hard just before he came.

It was the kissing afterwards that got to him. "I'm not into that," he said, shaking his head when Ryder tried to hold him.

"Is it about getting off, or feeling good?" Ryder challenged. "Because I think we're about more than the nerve endings in our dicks. Skin feels good after you come, too."

Jake thought about this as he rested next to Ryder on the bed. He skated fingers across his chest, feeling it on his palms, the inside of his wrist, and watched Ryder shiver. _Lips all over,_ he thought, and shifted one leg over his thigh. That definitely provoked a response. It was different, without the drive to get off, but he was right, it did feel good.

* * *

_Lips all over became hard to ignore, especially at school, where getting hard wasn't something you could take care of right away. Jake found himself avoiding contact with Ryder during the day, which had the interesting effect of making their evening bro-helping all that more intense. It was to the point that, when Jake would walk into his room, they'd start by taking off all their clothes before they even kissed. It was the biggest relief to feel all that skin against his, and they'd just lie like that on his bed for minutes at a time before doing anything else._

Jake didn't stop to look, because although he'd seen Ryder almost-naked enough times to appreciate that his friend had a nice body, it was how he _felt_ that was of paramount importance here. Or, at least, that's what he'd thought, until Ryder suggested they spot each other using Ryder's dumbbells.

"Dude," said Jake, frowning, "we're naked."

Ryder scoffed, swinging down onto his back on the weight bench next to his desk. "So what? You think you're going to lift better with clothes on or something? Come on, put your palms under my elbows."

He gave him support, counting his reps with him, feeling the strain in his arms. "Doing it naked isn't more distracting?" he asked, after Ryder finished his last rep. Jake passed him a bandana to wipe off his forehead.

"I think it's more distracting when I have to work at not noticing you. Or noticing you, noticing me." Ryder gazed up at him, eyes clear. "Dude, you know you're awesome."

"But I don't look at guys," he protested. "Sure, I can say, _Sam's got great abs,_ but it's not like I'm jerking off to them. I can appreciate them without getting all homo about it." He let his eyes stray down to Ryder's admittedly tight six-pack, but only that far before dragging them back up to his face.

"It's not like that for me. When I see you, it's like, all the things we do together, they're there. If I see your skin, I want to touch it. So if I don't do that at school, it's not because I don't want to. If I'm watching you dance, it's a good excuse." Ryder wrinkled his brow. "Does it bother you that I like looking at you? 'Cause you're look-worthy."

Jake thought about it through Ryder's next set. "No," he decided. "I kind of like it, I think."

Ryder's smile was even more awesome than his body, but Jake decided not to say that. "So, it's not any different than the skin thing. It feels good to touch; it feels good to look. So go ahead."

"What?"

Ryder gestured at himself, spread out on the weight bench, his legs parted, other arm folded behind his head. "Look."

Feeling a little silly, Jake did. He moved to stand in front of him, close enough for their knees to touch. He let himself stare, without worrying about how long he was taking or if he was looking at the wrong part. He decided Ryder's abs were just fine, but his forearms were freaking amazing. By the time he'd worked this out for himself and decided to say something about it, he realized Ryder's cock was twitching, shifting. Getting hard.

"Oh," he said. "Uh..." He was startled into a laugh. "You... like it when I do that."

"Apparently," Ryder said. His hand came down to rest on his own thigh, not touching, but his cock was paying attention. Jake felt a rush of irritation. _That's my job,_ he thought, and knelt beside him, taking him in his hand, jacking him slowly.

The way Ryder responded by letting his legs fall open, the motions of his hips, thrusting forward - it made looking at him a whole different experience. His eyes, heavy-lidded, rested on Jake as he crouched there, stroking him.

"You're fucking gorgeous," said Ryder.

Jake stopped, snatching his hands back like he'd been burned. "Dude."

Ryder raised himself up on his elbows. There was a little runnel of sweat that ran from his temple down his jaw to his chin. "Too much?"

"Maybe. I don't know." Jake turned away, crossing his arms, suddenly uncomfortable.

"You know Sam thinks Blaine's beautiful."

He thought about the way Sam talked about Blaine, and had to agree. "Yeah, I guess."

"It's not like I'm objectifying you. You're my best friend."

These words felt like more of a shock than his earlier statement had been, but he couldn't hide his smile. "Yeah? I mean... really?"

Ryder sat up, watching him. "Of course. You didn't know?"

"I think I did, but I never..." He shook it off. "Sorry for the freakout."

"Hey, it's okay. You can tell me if things are getting too Blaine."

That made him laugh. "You're totally not Blaine."

"Yeah, I could never pull off those bow ties." Ryder stood, moving off the bench and wiping it down with his bandanna. It was impossible to stop looking, now that he'd started. Ryder's hair was sticking up in the back. The muscles in his back moved under his skin. His cock was pink and stood out at an acute angle from his body. "You want a turn on the bench? I can finger-spot you."

Jake sat down slowly, conscious of his own arousal, but even more of Ryder, standing so close beside his shoulder as he lay down on his back. He reached up and grasped the bar as Ryder traded out the weights. "Start lighter," he advised, "and build up. I'll just use a couple fingers to spot you if you get stuck - barely enough to keep it up, so you have to do more work." He grinned. "Either you'll love it or you'll hate it."

"I bet." Jake braced himself, but the weights were light and he was able to do ten reps without significant effort. Ryder added another five pounds on either side. This time his muscles felt it, and Ryder watched him carefully as he lowered the bar down.

"Ready for more?" he said softly. Jake snorted. Ryder not-smiling was kind of hilarious.

"I can take it." He watched Ryder slide the weights on the bar.

The third set was significantly harder. Jake put his shoulders into it, but the last six reps felt like torture. "That's it," Ryder encouraged. He slid two fingers under the bar, holding up with just enough pressure that Jake could tell he was there. It was surprisingly effective, but he couldn't tell if it was psychological or physical. Maybe it didn't matter. For whatever reason, he was able to finish the set, gasping as he set the bar down on the rack.

Ryder grabbed his hand, squeezing it as he knelt beside him. "Nice job, man."

"That... was kind of evil." He turned his head to look at Ryder, still holding his hand. He wasn't looking at his face. "Um..."

"Your turn." Ryder's hand traced through the sweat on his ribs, down to his stomach, to hold his cock, which had softened somewhat.

It was impossible to be sure what Ryder was thinking, but watching him staring gave Jake some clues. Then Ryder licked his lips, and Jake blurted, "Oh god."

Ryder turned, leaning in under the barbell suspended over his head to kiss him, stroking him quickly, lightly, maddeningly. "I know you said _that_ was... too Blaine, but... I would. If you'd let me."

"Let you," he groaned, writhing on the sweaty vinyl of the bench. He could feel the sweat running down between the cheeks of his ass, making him squirm. "I would - let you."

"Oh, fuck. Yeah?" Ryder looked a little overwhelmed, but Jake swallowed and nodded. _Please_,he wasn't going to say. Ryder looked back at his cock, at full attention now. He left Jake where he was, resting on the bench, and moved to crouch between his legs, hesitating. "You're sure?"

"Sure," Jake replied, gritting his teeth. Telling Ryder to suck his cock would be _way_ too Blaine, but if Ryder wanted it, it would be okay. He felt Ryder's hands on the skin of his inner thigh, spreading him wider, and just as he was about to object, to say _wait, I don't know if I can -_ the warm, wet pressure enveloped him, and he pressed a hand to his own mouth, muffling his embarrassingly loud noises. _Fuck fuck fuck._

Ryder had spent the last couple weeks figuring out what got Jake off, so it wasn't a surprise to feel his hand cupping his balls, rolling them gently, putting pressure on the PC muscle between his thighs as he sucked him. The surprise was how different it felt with Ryder kneeling there, knowing he was hard, probably jerking off, and - _no_,that was not going to happen, that was _way_ too Blaine.

Jake reached down, fumbling for some touch from Ryder, a shoulder or an arm or something, but he grasped his hair instead. He lifted his head off the bench long enough to look down and see Ryder's mouth, enthusiastically taking his cock down his throat. He came the moment their eyes met, with a wordless cry.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry, man." His hand tried to make up for it, stroking Ryder's cheek as he rested his head on Jake's thigh. "I didn't even warn you."

"No," said Ryder quickly, "no, I - I wanted to do that."

_Oh._ Jake waited long enough to say anything that Ryder sighed and sat up, pushing himself to his feet.

"I'm going to take a shower," he said. "You want a turn when I'm done?"

That didn't sound good. That didn't sound good at all. Jake struggled to sit up, battling his fluttering abs and his three-sets-tired arms. "Hey... wait, Ryder..."

"Don't worry about it," he broke in, unlocking the door. "We don't have to talk about it." He left the door ajar as he headed for the hallway bathroom, apparently unconcerned about his family seeing him without clothes on. Jake was a little less blazé; he found Ryder's robe hanging on the back of his door and put that on - as though it'd be any less obvious what they'd been up to. _Honestly, Mrs. Lynn, we were lifting weights in the nude and... _there was no conclusion to that that didn't end with _and then your son blew me._ But there was no one in the hallway, so he went to the bathroom and let himself in, not bothering to knock. The shower was already going.

"Ryder," he said.

His voice sounded indistinct. "If you really need an apology, you're gonna have to wait until I'm done in here."

"I don't need an - fuck, man, what do you think, I didn't fucking love that?"

There was a long pause, in which Jake considered pulling the shower curtain aside, but there was a level of privacy there that he was going to respect, even if he hadn't knocked on the door. He leaned against the sink.

"Can I come in?"

"You want to?" came Ryder's voice.

Jake undid the tie on the robe and let it fall to the floor. "I sure as hell need a shower. My best friend just blew me and I'm totally raunchy and sweaty."

There was a laugh. His head stuck out, looking apologetic despite what Jake had said. This wasn't going to cut it. Jake stood, catching his wet face in his hands, kissing him. His mouth tasted bitter and metallic; he was glad he hadn't been the one giving the blowjob.

Ryder sighed, leaning against Jake's head with his own. "It's not freaking you out that your best friend really liked doing that?"

"A little," he admitted. "But I can definitely see the benefits." Jake wasn't quite ready to bring up the images inspired by Ryder's two-fingered spotting, but he thought, with time, maybe they'd get there too. He smiled at him. "I trust you."

"That's amazing," whispered Ryder, his eyes enormous. Jake gave him a nudge.

"Make room in the shower, bro. Pretty sure I owe you one, now."

(to be continued?)

* * *

_God money I'll do anything for you  
__God money just tell me what you want me to  
__God money nail me up against the wall  
__God money don't want everything he wants it all_

_- Nine Inch Nails, "Head Like A Hole"_


	2. Chapter 2

_(Author's note: I knew there had to be more to this story, but it's a lot less PWP and a lot more angsty. Sorry, that's the way it had to be. Resolution is still in question. -amy)_

* * *

When Ryder slid into the bench next to him in the cafeteria the next day, Jake couldn't help thinking Ryder was sitting a little closer to him than he usually did. It might have been his imagination, borne from the hyper-awareness that came after spending two and a half hours fooling around with somebody. Jake really couldn't tell at this point.

Ryder crossed his arms and nodded his head across the cafeteria. "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

Jake followed his gaze and focused on Sam unwrapping a package of Little Debbie Peanut Butter Crunch bars. He was grinning at Blaine when he passed him one.

"What?" said Jake.

"_What_ what? Are you serious? Okay, first of all, since when does Sam put that kind of crap into his body? Ever? And second, just _look_ at them." He chuckled. "They totally did stuff. New stuff."

Jake squinted at the pair, watching them laugh, the way Sam's eyes lingered on Blaine's lips, sliding around the margins of the snack bar. He shivered involuntarily. "You think so?"

"If not yesterday, then recently." Ryder tilted his head and nodded. "Yeah. Something changed. I wouldn't have any idea what, without asking, but... yeah."

Jake shifted a little on the bench. He wasn't sure if his intention was to move closer to Ryder or to move further away from him, but when he ended up closer, he decided not to try to change it again. Ryder would probably read something into it, and he didn't want him to do that. "You always thought they were doing stuff, though. Bros helping bros, right?"

"No, I know, but this is different. _More._" He wasn't taking his eyes away from the two of them, but Ryder's hand moved to lightly tap Jake's arm. "I mean, look at that. They're having freaking eyesex and giving each other virtual blowjobs in the middle of the cafeteria."

Jake disguised his sudden inhalation behind a cough. "You don't think you're reading too much into it?" _Considering what we did yesterday?_ He watched Sam bite off a piece of peanut butter bar, and the way Blaine looked away, smiling. That did appear to be a blush.

"Uh, _no."_ Ryder snorted. "You think I haven't been watching them every day already?"

He had a point. "No, okay," Jake admitted. "But Sam's still with Brittany. I don't think she'd be okay with him cheating on her. If it's not just bros helping bros, it's cheating."

"Maybe they have an agreement. I mean, maybe they _could._ If Britt was okay with that. If..."

Jake suddenly realized exactly how jumpy Ryder was being, how hard Ryder's fingers were gripping his own biceps. He bit his lip before sliding his hand under the table and resting it on Ryder's thigh. Ryder's movement stilled. Jake was pretty sure he stopped breathing.

"If Britt was okay with that," Jake said, his voice low, "you think Blaine would be okay with it, too? That kind of agreement?"

Ryder let out his breath slowly. Jake could feel Ryder's thigh quivering under his palm. "I... I think..." He glanced down at Jake's hand, just for a moment. "I think Blaine likes Sam too much_ not_ to be okay with that kind of agreement."

He caught the sound of Blaine laughing out loud at something Sam said, while Sam continued grinning. He stuffed the cellophane wrapper into Blaine's shirt pocket one finger-poke at a time. Jake thought Blaine looked, right at that moment, like he might be about as happy as he'd ever been.

"Yeah," he murmured. "I guess I can see that."

Ryder's focus stayed on Blaine and Sam, but his hand dropped to his lap, the backs of his fingers brushing against Jake's knuckles. Jake guessed it might be strange for a touch like that to make him feel so much, but he was in no position to deal with the layers of meaning there, not in the middle of the cafeteria. He just let his fingers interlace with Ryder's and held on tight.

"God," Ryder whispered.

Jake leaned his arm against Ryder's, a kind of nonverbal _I know, right?_ He hoped Ryder got it.

"She might not, though. Um. Britt." Jake heard his own voice come out a little higher than usual. He could feel how sweaty his hand was getting, but he wasn't going to let go. "She might not be okay with it?"

Ryder dropped his eyes to the table. "... yeah."

_Meaning we couldn't do this anymore. Because of feelings. _He wanted to be angry at the fucking feelings, to be pissed that they might be messing things up for him and for his bro, his best friend, but no matter how he reached for the anger, it just kept slipping away, lost in the pool of warmth that was Ryder's hand holding his. There wasn't a guy in the world who would understand that, other than Ryder.

_Except, maybe, there might be._ He gave Ryder's hand a squeeze. "I think we should talk to them."

Ryder glanced up at Jake, looking less startled than he'd expected. "Blaine or Sam?"

"Yeah. I mean, both. Each of us, to one of them. To see if... I don't know. Maybe they might have some advice."

"Yeah," Ryder agreed. "I could do that. Talk to... to Blaine."

"After school?"

"Today. No time like the present, right?"

The unspoken third person they needed to talk to was not named, but Jake was pretty sure she would need to be, soon - and, as her boyfriend, that he'd be the one nominated to do the talking. Still (he rationalized), at the moment, nothing had really changed. And Jake wasn't going to grope between Ryder's legs to find out, but he suspected that he wasn't the only one who could use a little help from his bro. He squeezed Ryder's hand again. "Want some company after you guys talk?"

"Definitely," Ryder exhaled.

It was only a little nervewracking for Jake to stop Sam in the hallway and say, "Hey, man... um, you got a little time after school today? I need some advice."

Sam seemed pleased by the request. Jake shouldn't have expected any less from him, really, because Sam was pretty awesome. He never made Jake feel less-than for being a sophomore, and his smile was reassuring. "You think we could combine the talking with some lifting, or would that be too public a setting for what you want to talk about?"

Jake decided it probably wouldn't be. Sam in the weight room was kind of him in his natural habitat, and even if there were other guys working out, Jake could keep his voice down. It would have the added bonus of being a public enough setting that, if they'd been totally off-base about what Sam and Blaine had been doing together, that there would be no way Sam could deck him. "I think I can deal with that degree of public," he said, clapping him on the shoulder. "Thanks."

Ryder texted him as they slid into their seats for sixth hour: _me and blaine r gonna get coffee after shool. _

That actually made Jake more nervous than the idea of talking to Sam. Maybe it was because Blaine was... well, _Blaine_, who was kind of the equivalent of legendary. Jake didn't think he was ever going to _not_ be a little fangirly about him.

_I've got a convo with Sam in the weight room,_ he replied.

Ryder shot him a quick, anxious glance across the room. _what about marley?_

Jake didn't have time to respond to that before Mr. Turner made them put their phones away, but he supposed he was glad Ryder had brought it up first. And it also wasn't much of a surprise, considering the way Ryder had handled Valentine's Day. Ryder cared about Marley, too. He didn't want to hurt her any more than Jake did.

But this was the thing. This was the big, big thing. Because if it wasn't bros helping bros, it was feelings. And no matter how many times Ryder had made it clear he was kind of maybe probably having feelings about Jake, he'd been cool enough not to bring them up. He'd let this go on as bros helping bros, because that's what it was _supposed_ to be. And Jake didn't know how to make that match up with the holding-hands-under-the-table feelings he was absolutely definitely positively having about Ryder.

Jake didn't do more than give Ryder an encouraging smile after class, because that was about all he thought he could handle at the moment. By the time he got to the weight room, though, and had changed into his gym clothes, and had given himself a couple internal pep talks, he was ready. He could man up and do this.

The actual words, though. It was impossible to know which ones to use. Jake was still waffling between _I have a thing for my best friend_ and _Ryder and I have this arrangement_ when Sam caught his eye and said, "So...?"

"You know how Blaine's in love with you?" he blurted. Sam paused, looked like he was about to respond, then closed his mouth while he set up his weights on the bar. Jake went on, trying not to panic. "Not - that that's a problem. I know you're cool with him, just the way he is."

"I am," Sam agreed. "And I thought you were, too?"

"I am! Really, I am. Blaine's beyond cool. Just... well. Ryder, he kind of... he has the same thing going on."

Sam's expression registered understanding. "About Marley."

Jake felt his own cheeks go hot. "No, about... me."

"Oh." Sam blinked. "Shit, really?"

"I think so. I mean... yeah." He could barely make himself meet Sam's eyes, but he managed it somehow. Sam wasn't smiling, but he wasn't looking away, either. In fact, he was kind of staring at Jake, as though he were searching for something.

"So..." Sam blew out a breath between his lips. "Wow. You guys have talked about this?"

"Kind of. We've been... um. For the past couple weeks, we've been..." Jake watched Sam's eyes widen as he spoke.

"You've been cheating on Marley with Ryder?"

"Not cheating!" Jake begged. "I swear, it wasn't. It was about bros helping bros. I thought it was, anyway. And now..." He trailed off, feeling helpless to explain.

He kind of expected Sam to start berating him. _This is not cool, man,_ or maybe _Marley deserves better._ Which he already knew. But Sam was oddly silent. He did a set of reps while Jake messed with the free weights.

"We actually got the idea from Blaine and Kurt," he added. Sam gave him an oblique look.

"What idea?"

"Bros helping bros. Like, what they did at Mr. Schue's wedding?"

"Huh. That's actually a thing?"

_It is now?_ Jake almost said, but he didn't, because it was suddenly, embarrassingly clear that it actually wasn't. He felt kind of stupid now, the way they'd been speculating about Blaine and Sam, because of course Sam wouldn't cheat on Britt, while he -

He was _cheating on Marley with Ryder. _

"Actually, I should probably -" he said, grabbing for his stuff and gesturing apologetically at the door. Sam nodded, appearing distracted.

"Catch you tomorrow, man."

Jake almost got on his bike and headed straight for Marley's house, but he knew that was only one part of the problem. He was going to need to clear things up with Ryder first. He could hear the words in his head as he pumped faster down the hill toward the cul-de-sac where Ryder's sprawling yellow house sat: _we can't do this. However this started, it's cheating now, and I'm not going to do that to Marley._

But the words wouldn't come out when Ryder opened the door and found Jake standing on his front porch, out of breath from riding his bike too fast. He looked surprised.

"Uh... Blaine just left."

Jake nodded. It made sense that Blaine had given him a ride home from the coffee place. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. My sisters are -"

"How do you feel about me?"

Ryder's arm, gesturing upstairs, dropped limply to his side. He wasn't quite making eye contact with Jake, and Jake decided that sucked. He stepped right into Ryder's line of vision, bobbing to draw focus.

"I have to know," Jake insisted. "It matters. It's - it's everything. And whatever it is, it's okay, I just... I need to know."

"Hey, man," Ryder protested, but it was feeble. He took a step back, leaning up against the railing, and glanced desperately down the empty hallway.

"Did Blaine tell you? That he and Sam aren't doing anything?" Jake reclaimed the distance between them with his own step, brushing Ryder's chest with his own in a gesture that could have implied a challenge if his nipples hadn't been so goddamn hard. "They're not. Sam was completely confused by my question."

Ryder laughed uneasily. "Yeah. Blaine gave me a fucking five-minute sermon on straight-but-not-narrow, and how he'd never push Sam to do anything like that. And then I told him about you and me and our agreement, and he got all red in the face and completely ran out of words and decided he'd better go."

Jake considered Sam's own cryptic reaction, but he wasn't going to let the thought distract him. "So we're out of luck. Nobody's going to give us advice except us. Which is why I'm here instead of at Marley's, confessing my sins."

Ryder bit his lip. "You really think we did something wrong?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

Jake placed a hand on Ryder's sternum. "On what's actually going on here. Are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to kick your ass?"

Ryder smirked. His own face was looking mighty pink. "You really think that's gonna force me to be honest?"

"Works on TV," Jake said, keeping his gaze steady on Ryder. "Just tell me. I can take it."

"You sure?" he said hoarsely. "You think I don't know this was supposed to be bros helping bros?"

Jake took a long breath, watching the fluttering pulse in Ryder's neck. "I think I know it wasn't, for you. Kind of not ever. So, what, did you think this was as good as you were gonna get? That I wouldn't listen to you if you told me..."

"If I told you what?" Ryder was whispering now, but that didn't matter, because Jake was about two inches away from his face, and he wasn't going to stop until he got his answer.

"If you told me you were in love with me."

"I wasn't even thinking about being in love with you." Ryder gave him a brittle smile. "Not when we started."

Jake let his eyes close. "So we have been cheating."

Ryder's hands came up suddenly and seized Jake's shoulders. It startled him, and he tried to step back, but the vehemence in Ryder's face was even more shocking. Ryder got angry sometimes, but this wasn't anger. He almost looked scared.

"I don't know," he said under his breath, "I don't know what we're doing, and I hate the idea of hurting Marley, I _hate_ it, and - and I still can't stop. I can't stop wanting you, all the fucking time."

"It's okay," Jake tried to say, but Ryder was too worked up to stop.

"It's _not_ okay!" he hissed. His eyes were wide and desperate. "It doesn't matter what we do, because somebody's going to get hurt. I've been trying to figure out what to do, but there's no good answer. Either you tell her and she dumps you, or you tell her and she talks you into stopping with me. Tell me what's better."

Jake gave up on worrying about Ryder's sisters. They could deal, whatever they saw, it wasn't going to scar them. He wrested his arms out from under Ryder's strong grip and wrapped them around his ribs, holding him tight, feeling the pounding of Ryder's heart against his chest. His cheek resting against Ryder's face was wet. He tried to make his voice soothing, but it came out jagged, and he had to fight for each word.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do either. But I don't want to stop this. I don't. You're my best friend, and I need - I need this. Okay? I don't want to stop, no matter what Marley says. I need you more than I need her to be happy."

Ryder's hand had crept up to rest on the back of Jake's head. Jake could feel it shaking. He sniffed, and realized the dampness on Ryder's face was coming from him.

"But you love her," insisted Ryder. "You said."

He exhaled. "I do," he agreed dully. "I'm not gonna lie to you. I think this is going to suck."

Ryder's hand tightened on his head. "And you still want to...?"

"Yeah." Now he was the one whispering. "You?"

Ryder's response was to shift his hands to Jake's moist cheeks and kiss him. Jake managed to muffle most of the sounds that threatened to come out, but he hung on to Ryder as long as he could, hoping that the response to his kiss would convey something of what he couldn't say out loud. The questions were there: _What does this mean? What about at school? How are we going to handle Glee? _But none of it was as important as this, what their bodies were saying, lips all over, and how Jake knew he couldn't let it go.

"I'm going over there now," he said against Ryder's jaw. He felt Ryder's nod, heard him sigh.

"You want me to come with you?"

Jake cracked an improbable grin. "I doubt Marley'd want to see my hands all over you right now. That's about where I am."

"Yeah." Ryder's hand slipped between them, resting on Jake's fly. "You want me to take care of that before you go, then?"

He laughed. "Take some of the pressure off, is that what you're saying?"

"That's what this was supposed to be about all along, wasn't it?" Ryder's hand was still, waiting. It was unexpectedly touching, and Jake blinked away further tears. He already felt like he was euthanizing his pet or something.

"I think the guilt would get to me too much, at this point. Now that I -" He shrugged, stepping away, and Ryder let him go. He nodded silently. "Okay. I'll call you after we talk."

"I'll be here, if you want to come over." Ryder gave him a half smile, not even trying to be subtle about adjusting himself. They were still standing in the front hallway. Jake just turned around, hurrying down the steps, and got back on his bike before he could change his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Maybe Jake was taking the coward's way out by calling Marley instead of showing up at her house. But he thought it might be better for her to have time to think about what he was going to tell her, instead of making her deal with it up front. _I could have sent her a text or an email,_ he thought, nervously drumming his hand against his knee. _That would have been way more cowardly._

"Mar," he said, when she picked up. "I - there's something we need to talk about."

She gave an uneasy laugh. "Well, that doesn't sound good. You think I'm going to need a box of tissues or a baseball bat?"

"Um... maybe both." He sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be dramatic, but something's happened and I didn't realize how much I'd messed up until, like, this afternoon."

"Okay." Marley paused, then added, "Do you just want me to forgive you up front, so it won't feel so stressful?"

"Mar." He took a deep breath. "I don't think you can do that. I mean... you might not forgive me for this."

"Yeah, but if I kind of make an agreement with myself that whatever you say, I'm going to forgive you, doesn't that take some of the pressure off?"

He leaned on the handlebars of his bike, walking it up the street in no particular direction, feeling too confused to climb on. "But how can you know you'll forgive me until you hear what I did?"

"Whatever it is, I bet I can forgive you. Maybe you ate some girl's liver, I don't know." He could hear her making a face. "You - didn't do that, did you?"

"Uh, no. No, I didn't." His voice dropped into something approximating awed. "You would forgive me for _that?"_

"I'm just trying to think of the most heinous crime possible, Jake, but... honestly? I trust you. If you did something bad, you probably had a good reason."

He let out a shaky chuckle. "What if the reason was just _I'm a big jerk?"_

"Well, I guess I could live with that. At least I wouldn't be dating a cannibal."

Jake put a hand to his mouth to keep his goddamn wobbly jaw steady. "And there's the reason I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby. Now you'd better tell me before I really start freaking out, because as you can tell, my imagination's way worse than whatever it is you actually did."

He went through a couple of long inhalations and exhalations, and she cleared her throat.

"... Right?" she added, in a small voice.

"I promise I didn't eat anybody's liver," said Jake. "But I've kind of... been doing stuff. With somebody else. And I thought it didn't count, but... it turns out it does."

"Oh," said Marley. "It does."

"Yeah," he said heavily. "It does a lot. And I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for it to... to count."

"Okay." She was quiet for a while. "So, um, can you explain how it wouldn't have counted in the first place? Because I think you know how I feel about sex and... I think it all kind of _counts,_ Jake."

"I know. I know you do, and I did too? I mean, I didn't want to do this wrong with you, because you're so great, and I love you so much..." He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the fist of self-recrimination grinding him into the pavement. "You don't have to believe me, but I really didn't think I was cheating on you when I was doing it."

"Because she's long distance? Online?" Marley didn't sound hurt yet, but Jake knew it was coming, and when it hit, it would be worse than her being angry. He owed it to her to give her all of it, and then give her space to deal.

"No, he. He's in town." Before the pronoun could fully sink in, he pushed out, "It's Ryder."

"Oh!" She laughed. She actually _laughed._ "Oh my god, Jake. Really?"

"Yeah, that was kind of my thought," he agreed. "_Really?_ Because how _not _into guys am I?"

"Not as _not_ as you thought you were, apparently."

He stood there, baffled, listening to her smother her giggles over the phone. "Marley, what -"

"Jake, I'm - surprised, okay, yes, but... I guess I expected a lot worse. It's just that this is really not the kind of thing I would hate you forever about, anyway. You and Ryder, you're both... I think you're the sweetest boys I've ever met, and together you're -" She paused.

"We're _what?"_ he demanded.

"Sorry, got lost a little in that image. Really, you're kind of adorable."

Jake flushed hot, but he smiled. "God, Mar."

"Now hang on a minute," she said sternly. "Let me stress I am _not_ happy about this development. Not even a little bit."

"Yeah, I can tell. You're totally pissed at me. It's just that I never got to this part, imagining what might happen after I told you, and..." He swallowed. "I can't think how you'd ever be okay with this."

"I'm not. I'm not okay with it. But I didn't say I wouldn't ever be."

"You... really?"

Now she actually _did_ sound a little pissed. "God, I don't know, Jake. I'm completely beyond any metaphor for how I feel here. But when I thought about you being with _anybody_ else, I got completely sick to my stomach? Until you said _Ryder,_ and then I was, like, _oh, phew, okay then._ So if you can tell me what that means, I'll be able to move on from here."

The feelings of relief and hope were impossible to separate, and Jake latched on to the latter in the midst of a wave of the former. "I just assumed you'd be breaking up with me right about now."

"Yeah, I really don't think I see myself doing that today. Because breaking up with somebody because you're mad, that's not really all that rational? If I'm going to break up with you, it's going to happen when I'm completely calm." The last couple words Marley spoke came out broken, and Jake felt his heart breaking along with them.

"I'm..." He stopped in the middle of the road, struggling to maintain control of his bike with only one hand on the handlebars. Any cars that came along could fucking go around him. "I'm just so sorry, Mar."

"I believe you. Now, I really hope you're on your way over here, because I think I need to cry a lot, and I'd really rather do that in your arms than alone in my bed."

That was enough motivation to keep him moving forward, no matter how snotty his nose was or how stupid he probably looked, crying into his phone. "I'll be there in ten minutes. Less if I can manage to get back on this bike."

She sniffed. "I think I'd rather you stay on the line with me, even if it takes you longer. If that's okay."

"That's really okay," he promised. "I just don't know what else to say."

"Are you kidding? You just delivered the cliffhanger movie trailer of the season. I want the whole movie. Come on. Don't tell me you're going to stop telling me everything just because you're fooling around with Ryder."

With a giddy sense of unreality, Jake stumbled through the last couple weeks, beginning with the information he'd gleaned from the rumor mill about Blaine and Kurt's bros-helping-bros, his subsequent conversation with Ryder, and their first encounter in Ryder's bathroom. Whatever face Marley presented to the world about being a prude, Jake knew with certainty that wasn't true, but she still had to pry every detail out of him, interjecting periodic reassurance that _yes, _she wanted to know. By the time he reached her driveway, he'd told her way more than he'd expected to tell _anybody_ about what he and Ryder had done together.

"I'm here," Jake said, dumping his bike on the front lawn. He shook out the cramp his hand had developed, pushing his bike one-handed.

"Okay. I'm coming to the door. I think I can deal with you hanging up now."

Jake didn't even have time to tuck his phone into the pocket of his hoodie before Marley was pushing the screen door open, her sweet face red and blotchy from crying. He guessed he didn't look much better. She just folded herself into his arms, making herself small and letting him hold on as hard as he wanted.

"I think you'd better call Ryder," she whispered, brushing wet strands of hair out of her face. "I don't think I can handle talking to him yet, but I'll be ready by the time he gets here, and... I just keep imagining him sitting at home, alone, worrying about what comes next."

Jake kissed her cheek. "What _does_ come next?"

Marley's laugh was definitely bordering on hysterical. "I have no idea. You?"

"Zero," he agreed. "But if you still want me around, I definitely don't want to leave."

Watching her watching him call Ryder was about the most nervewracking thing he'd ever done, worse than auditioning for Glee or talking to his dad. But he didn't lose it, not even when Ryder picked up in the middle of the first ring and said immediately, "Please tell me you haven't changed your mind."

"No. No, I -" He cleared his throat. "Marley wants you to come over."

"Oh, god. She's totally going to beat me up, isn't she?" Ryder was definitely panicking. "Fuck, I'm so crappy at hand-to-hand."

"She's not going to beat you up," Jake protested, and Marley covered her mouth, eyes glistening up at him. "We've got a reprieve."

"A what?"

"Like, when you're under sentence for some crime, and then you get pardoned. We've got amnesty. For now." He breathed a little more easily, with Marley there in his arms, not hating him.

"Wow." Ryder sounded bewildered. "Um... you remember what you said earlier, about - not keeping your hands off me?"

The idea of touching Ryder at the same time he was holding his girlfriend was almost more than Jake could handle, but he replied, "Yeah, I actually think that might be okay too."

"Jesus, Jake. What did you _do?"_

He laughed a little, pressing his moist cheek to Marley's hair. "Not a damn thing. Whatever's going on, you can thank Marley for it, because I'm still struggling with basic coping skills here."

Marley met his gaze. "May I?" she gestured at the phone, and when Jake nodded, she leaned in to speak. "Ryder, just come over, okay? I'm not going to hurt you. Let's just talk about this? Please?"

Jake heard Ryder's forced exhalation. "Uh - yeah. Yeah, okay, I'll come over. I just have to ask Mrs. Price to come over and watch my sisters. Tell her I'll be there as soon as I can."

"We'll be here," Jake said.

It was hard to hear Ryder hang up, not knowing exactly how long that would be, but he figured he could stand a little uncertainty. Jake stuffed his phone into his pocket, then linked arms with Marley and nudged her back toward the house.

"Whatever happens," he said, "I just want you to know how totally impressed I am with you right now. And most of the time, actually."

"I can handle being impressive," she agreed, leaning into him again. "What I can't handle is writing you guys off just because I'm scared. So thanks for indulging me, I think."

He propped open the screen door to let her inside, shaking his head. "Anytime."


End file.
